Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
