Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize