Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
