My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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