i need an iv and a liver transplant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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