just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
