If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
