cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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