I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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