I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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