he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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