I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
