the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
