It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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