About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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