I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
