It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
