Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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