So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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