Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
