The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize