Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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