Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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