ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
