Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
