dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
