Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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