yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
