we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
