I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
