do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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