I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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