cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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