Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
