Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
