a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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