The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
