He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
