JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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