Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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