you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have post one night stand depression
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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