all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
