Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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