I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
