I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
