...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
