i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
