You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
