Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
