youre lurking in front of me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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