he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
