just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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