Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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