I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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