YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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