is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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