Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
