And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
