And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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