you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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