Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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