just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
