I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
