Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
