Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
