Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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