Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
