if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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