I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
