I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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