She said her name was "party"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
