help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
