the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
