I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
