Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
