My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
two words: eviction party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
