Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
