dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
