Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
