I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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