Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My pussy is not your playground.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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