Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
